They said we could have it all. You can have a bustling life full of family, friends, pets, and a great career. You will be loved and respected and everyone plays fair. Let us ignore the total bullshit for a moment and assume this is true.
All you have to do to have this is careful orchestrate every minute of your time so it all stays in balance. Think of plate spinning as the metaphor. You start with two, it’s not so hard to keep this going, you think, spinning your two plates on the poles. I got this. Life, in the clown outfit over there, is your helpful assistant, setting up another pole and handing you another plate. Okay, three is harder than two but some trial and error and you can handle this. Three takes all your attention but whatever, it’s fine.
Cue the circus music.
Life starts to bring out more and more poles and plates, brightly colored shoes flapping as he runs back and forth with more and more. You try. Running and sweating and keeping your performance grin plastered to your face.
Yet in the end, the plates crash and you stand there gasping for air and wondering WTF just happened. The clown wins again.
Guess what? You have a choice.
You can stay in the spotlight and sawdust, frantically trying to keep it all working. Try to save all the plates, even the boring ugly ones that you have never ever cared about. Or you can pick up the plates that matter, the ones that are beautiful to you, and walk out of the ring balancing them on your hands.
We have limited time and attention in each day. We have finite time on this earth. Do you want to spend that time doing things you don’t want to do? Understand that this is beyond washing towels and making your dinner. We all have to do those things. This is about the committee you said yes to that you don’t care about yet you don’t want to say no and seem “mean”. This is taking on one more project at work when you are already at capacity. This is even about being super accommodating and driving friends out of your way.
We can say no. Yes, it’s hard to disappoint others.
What about you though? When you say yes to them, what are you saying no about to yourself? How many stories don’t get written, projects that are burning in your brain that don’t get started, or how many ideas to help someone don’t get done?
Well, obviously that is different. See Kate, you tell me, those things, well they are just silly dreams and plans of mine. It’s selfish to want to take time for me. Besides, it’s not like I can do it right. No one will want to see it.
Okay, fair, I say, reaching out to wipe sawdust off your face. This is the real world and no one will come knocking down your door wanting that first novel or the (slightly) crooked bookshelf you made to be the flagship of their furniture line. But Plate Spinner, you do want to see it. There are things out there you want to see and do. Maybe it will give you the break you need to go back in the ring and spin those plates with abandon. Maybe you will find you really only want to spend time on the other side of the tent with a few of the plates. What matters is figuring out what is important to you.
Find your plates that matter and do what you gotta do. There is no one size fits all performance.
Ask yourself:
What is it you have always wanted to try?
What holds you back?